In Inner Relationship Focusing, we welcome all of the inner voices, senses, memories and image stories that want our awareness, even those that feel uncomfortable or harsh. Each has its gift and as harsh as some the parts of us can be, they are there for a good reason and they want good things for us…after all…they are part of us. Some of these parts hold aspects of difficult and traumatic childhood experiences. They formed to care for us as best they could when the support we needed was unavailable or unhelpful. They were the best strategies we could make use of at the time when we didn’t have the agency we have as adults. And, now, they still want to protect or defend us…but their kind of help may feel like sabotage.
When we stop chasing them away and get to know them better with curiosity and openness, without trying to change them, that is where the magic can happen….they often shift on their own and that shift feels like a release, a freedom, an opening…as they integrate into our wholeness, no longer exiled, but heard.
And so, in Focusing, along with the good feelings, we welcome also the parts of us that hurt or feel angry or defensive, the parts that judge harshly, even the parts of us that are able to hijack us and make us reach for unhealthy things…. this is the Power of “AND”….. We might say, “Part of me wants to reach for that bag of chips and Part of me doesn’t like it.” Or perhaps we might say, “Part of me is full of rage and part of me does not like that.” We give attention to both of those parts from a state of being we call Self in Presence–an open, curious, interested and accepting state of being…and we describe, acknowledge and listen, without agreeing or disagreeing, letting them share what they want us to know and letting them shift and change on their own when those parts of us are ready.
The lake teaches me the richness of welcoming all that is a part of me. The image above, the rainbow and the clouds and the brightness…the water and the lily pads…the trees is for me, a mirror of my inner world. It teaches me the something about the Power of “AND” that feels important. Without every thing that is in that scene, it would not be so rich. It makes me treasure the richness of all that is in me, no matter how paradoxical it may seem….. I thank my lake for teaching me….
